Thankfully You Where There when I Needed You The Most………

I have always loved music , I remember back when I was small listening to groups like The Eagles, ELO, The Ozark Mountain Dare Devils and many more on a Sunday with my dad and younger sisters. We would all be in the living room as my mum was cooking our Sunday Roast. Music was always part of our lives. Growing up in a city that had one of the most famous groups in the world, The Beatles. My dad in his younger days managed a local group that played in the famous Cavern. As I grew up I listened to mostly 80s and 90s music. When I started to go on holiday with friends we loved nothing more than listening to music around the pool and in our apartments when getting ready for our nights out dancing till the early hours of the morning to the latest chart toppers. On one particular holiday I met my now husband, it  was through him that I started listening to Turkish music. I continued to listen to music daily, I loved nothing more than doing my house work to a playlist from the 80s or the latest Tarkan album. Fast forward to 2012 and my daughter was diagnosed with autism, the music that she loved as a baby started to trigger her meltdowns she became sensitive to many sounds, music being the biggest one. The only time I could listen was either when she was sleeping or at nursery. Life became very different after that. 

In November of 2019 I was talking on the telephone with my niece in Turkey we happened to start talking about music and she started telling me about her love of Kpop and that she loved a girl group that was very popular. I had never heard of Kpop so listened as she excitedly told me the names of some of the songs she particularly loved, she also said she loved a boy band too. She said she would send me some names of songs she liked for me to have a listen to.  She sent them and also sent a photo of the boy band telling who she thought was the cutest. I glanced over the photo and thought to myself that they looked like a sweet little group. I never ended up listening to any of her recommended songs, something that I would later come to regret.

March of 2020,  LOCKDOWN in the UK and my daughter now almost 12yrs old was not allowed to go to school, her world had been turned upside down as well as millions of peoples had too . For her it was particularly hard as she has to have routines and lots of structure. I tried to keep as much of her routines the same so weekdays were school days. We would start at 9.30 and work through her work set by her teacher for each day. I tried to make it as enjoyable as possible for her so we would incorporate things like cookery, science experiments, arts & crafts we would also go on little walks around and about, linking it into some of her lessons. The first few weeks she was fine, she loved having that structure and she enjoyed what we were doing, after her school day she was allowed to go to the park so she could go on the swings. Swinging is something that she likes to do it helps her to relax. As the weeks went on I noticed a huge change in her behaviour and mood, she was beginning to appear to become distressed more often and she began to pace and stim I lot. She also was started to pull out her hair, one day actually cutting it with the scissors something she had never done before. I didn’t know what to do to help her. I knew at that time that I was also feeling down, I would cry myself to sleep at night worrying about her, as a professional I had worked with hundreds of children and young people with disabilities, supporting them and their families through difficult times but now I was unable to help my own child. I felt helpless. On the 4th of April something changed , all thanks to my nephew. He was doing a 30 day song challenge on Instagram. On this particular day the challenge was ‘a song in a different language’ I was intrigued to know what song he has put as he usually listened to groups like Paramore and All Time Low. 

He had chosen Boy With Luv, I looked on YouTube to see what it was, the song was so catchy. I listened to it a few times, i wanted to know who they were and what other songs they sang, I listened to For You, Coffee and Save me. That was the start of entering the So Call Rabbit Hole I would stay up night after night watching MVs  interviews and dance practices. One of my favourites was Carpool Karaoke, I got to see another side of them, they were so funny. It took me a week or two to learn their names, I liked them all but Kim Taehyung stood out to me, also Min Yoongi, he appeared quite shy . Spending time watching them and getting to see their personalities seemed to lift my mood. I was  able to see more clearly, I felt more positive about the future and began to find other strategies that began to help both my daughter and myself. In the evenings when my daughter i gone to bed i was search the internet for information about the guys. I found that they had a twitter account so having had an account many years before I decided to use that and follow them. 

It was there that I met some of the most friendly supportive ARMY not just from the UK but from all over the world. I wasn’t judged by anyone as an older person, at that time I was almost 51 yrs old. I started chatting to a few other people and ended up joining their Group Chat, they were all from down the south of England I was the only one from up North but that wasn’t a problem they welcomed me with open arms . I also ended up joining a Group Chat for ARMY in the Northwest of England too. I have had the pleasure of meeting up with some of them in real life. I can honest say that they have all been so supportive and helpful. It is through Twitter that I also met Marion. I know that the friends I have met because of BTS will remain friends forever. 

I was looking back on my photos a while ago and came across the photo that my niece sent me back in 2019 it was only then that I realised that the group of cute guys was in fact BTS oh how I wished I had listened to their music back then. 

I am praying for the day when BTS will tour again, so I can meet up with all my friends and watch these amazing guys perform in a sell out arena.

I wish that I could tell the guys how much not only their music but they themselves have helped me over the last 3 years. They have taught me that anything is possible if you put your mind to it, to love myself, that I am enough.

BORAHAE BTS 

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I WILL WALK WITH YOU