My Bangtan Story

Growing up I would unload in journals and diaries. Sharing events, important memories. I would write poems and even the occasional short stories. Using my alter ego to identify my persona. Even as a young adult my writing carried on ,though I never saw it as more than a Hobbie or way to cope. 

For me writing and music have always been an outlet. A means to escape, inspiration, a language. For the last 15 yrs or so… give or take my inspiration well ran dry due to a series of traumatic events. Then to add insult to injury life in general got in the way. I became afraid to write after my privacy was infringed upon by my ex husband. So instead of letting it all out in my writing I began bottling up. 

Never did I think once how much it would impact me to stop writing and diving into music head first, like I always used to do. I lost my self, when I disconnected from my creativity. It hurt me emotionally and physically. 

I was some what aware of BTS existence because of my oldest daughter. But I never really checked it out. Untill around 2 yrs ago. When i decided to really connect with music again. Nothing called out to me or seem to fill that void like music had done so many times before. I decided to asked my daughter to teach me about BTS, happily she did. 

Needless to say this opened my eyes to a whole new genre of music. A whole entire world if you will. 

I felt as if I was brought back to life. Like someone flipped a switch and turned on the lights, and suddenly the darkness was gone. As it’s said on social media I jumped in head first into the Bangtan rabbit hole and that was it. My imagination was set on fire. My inspiration was no longer dry. Suddenly out of nowhere I wanted to write. Pour into a story my deepest desires and fantasies. The yearnings of my heart. Past trauma that I’m still dealing and coping with. I began pourint my heart and soul into my ffs. 

It became my new outlet. Of course ny stories are for adults. Purely fictional. Just an extension of what ones heart desires and Fantasize about in our dreams. And also a way of coping with past trauma, or stressful situations that may be proving overwhelming at the time. Or simply an idea that suddenly presents itself I’m my head. When this happends unless I write my mind does not rest. 

Dreams also end up put onto “paper”. As the saying goes long story short. BTS has breathed me back to life. I again wanna sing, dance like no one is watching. But want to share what music im dancing to. Pour my feelings into a story, and or a desire if you will. BTS has helped me to love my self again. And remember that everyday is anew for another opportunity to see a dream come true. 

Even though I have my kids, I would feel lonely sometimes BTS has filled that hole with their music, their personas. Their love one of the most important things Bangtan gave me back was friends. I felt embraced and accepted by a new family that loves me just the way I am. I have friends that though faraway have become an extended family. Sisters, confidants, best friends.

A shoulder to cry on, a word of advice or courage. Laughter shared. Dreams concted together with hopes of being shared in a near future. I don’t feel alone anymore. Even my kids have seen the change in me. Finding BTS has impacted my life and my children’s life in way that there aren’t enough ways to express. 

I am so greatful foe their existence. May God continue to bless them in everything they do. The world is indeed better because they are in it. 

And this is my story of how BTS impacted my life. Bringing back inspiration, love for art, helping grieve my parents death in a time frame of less than 2 years apart. And giving me a whole new family. My moots. My friends. 

Thank you, 

Namjoon

Seokjin

Hoseok

Jimin

Taehyung 

Yoongi

Jung kook