I called and they came

BTS are like my savior they came to me when I’m in the dire need of help. I lost my mother in 2018 and she was the only person who loved and support me, without her my toxic family is unbearable my father hates me, he don’t even like me and my brother he just wants to get rid of me asap. My brother and his wife tried their hardest to marry me off to some oldman and divorced guy but I stay firm. But deep down I’m very upset about everything I had no job at that time, my family Don’t even provide me money for my basic needs, sometimes I have to ask my friend to buy me some sanitary pads because my family is that much toxic and cruel. So, I started to experience anxiety attacks and ultimately depression. Every night I beg to God; please help me to get the hell out of here. Or at least send someone who can help me or who can take me with him. But no one came. On November 18, 2018 I try to cut my wrists in order to attempt suicide, before cutting my writs I closed my eyes and i start crying and I said this to myself: ” I know honey you want to live and you wanna do a lot of things, you wanna persue your passion but I’m so sorry I can’t take it anymore. We have to do this.” Then with my eyes closed I try to cut my writs of left hand with 3 sharp paper cuter strokes but my arm started bleeding but the cuts weren’t that deep and they are neither close to the vein, may be because deep down I don’t want to die that’s why i  missed the spot or I dont know. Then I get up cleaned my cuts and put a bandage on it and suddenly I got a notification of my friend’s snap streak I pick up my phone and open Instagram somehow cause I wasn’t in the mood of seeing others snaps at that time. While scrolling instagram I came across a BTS fanpage, I start seeing their RUN BTS clips and one of those clips made me laugh. After so many months it was the first time I laughed and I used to love my laugh I instantly said to myself “oh I missed you” old me. Then I keep watching their RUN BTS clips and started following their fan pages I dont even know that band and their names at that time. I first thought that may be it’s some kind of a reality show of 7 boys where they do different kinda stuff to entertain people. I started to learn their names and started listening their songs but still there’s a lot of things that are missing I still feel empty. But in 2019 when RM made a speech to please use BTS to love yourself I finally get what he was trying to say and when I know about each of them and their struggles I finally got someone to relate myself with. I fell in love with each one of them. RM made me realize that I can do everything with hard work and consistency. Jin made me realize that i am beautiful and I have to love myself first. Hobi made me realize that I have to accept myself first. Suga was the member I used to relate myself alot because or my toxic family and financial instability etc. He taught me to never give up hope and I have to fight for my dreams and myself. Jimin and Taehyung made me fall in love with everything. They helped me to find my old self back. The flirty , goofy, funny and full of life kinda girl that I lost somewhere while growing up. Jungkook give me strength to tackle every hardship. Together they all taught me how to survive and how to live again. They help me in digging up my long buried passion. Right now I’m on my way of achieving my goals I know I’m a little behind but I think I’m doing just fine. And one day I’ll make my 7 normal korean boys proud by achieving my dreams. And I hope I’ll get a chance to meet them in the future and then will thank them in person for saving my life. And for being there for me when i got no one. They let me in their magic shop and I’m eternally grateful for this favour to them. I know I missed a lot of details in my story but those are the parts I don’t wanna relive. Thank you BTS, love from your ARMY 💜

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