BTS Saved Me: A Time of Learning to Love Myself

Where do I even begin? BTS, a band that I would have never thought in a million years, that I would be interested in. And yet, a co-worker simply suggested a song – Fake Love to be exact. After watching the music video I was hooked. It was then I found Spring Day, and from that moment on, I knew I was in for the long haul. I started to stan the boys on Feb. 18th, 2019.

Many people wonder what is so great about the stigma or exactly why BTS is so popular today? How can a Korean boy band, a group of 7 amazing, talented souls brought together by fate touch the very souls of ARMY internationally? It’s a common saying between fellow fans alike that BTS tends to find you when you really need them – and it is 1000000% true.

It’s hard to put into full words of how much these men have changed my life, into something so beautiful. So I will try my best to tell my story.

I was 22 years old, and worked a retail job that I hated. I had a lot of struggles with terrible management at my place of employment and how they treated their staff. My best friend of almost 8 years at that time had moved several hours away. I was lacking close immediate friends. My one co-worker at the time suggested I checked the boys out. And I was hooked the moment I watched several videos. I had been fighting depression, yet I had not been truthful to my family and friends about what I was truly feeling emotionally. On top of my depressive thoughts I had feelings of self doubt and self image issues that have been present with me all the way back to when I was bullied in middle school for my weight. Things were not in my favor this year, and it was only going to get worse as the year progressed.

June 2019, was a summer I will never forget. I lost a family dog, a golden retriever named Tucker, who had grown up with me, from undiagnosed stomach cancer. It was such a hard loss for me to process, but I had kept listening to BTS. As I continued my journey, I felt connected to them. Interestingly enough, it was only days Jin released “This Night” and I bawled my eyes out. It was almost like I had found BTS and when I needed comfort, there was Jin singing the words of understanding. It would only be several months later that 2020 would come around, and we would lose a second unexpected loss, our sweet Sadie who was a black Boxador.

2020 was a year for everyone that was hard, but it was the hardest year for me to overcome. My depression had hit an alltime low. I had thoughts of just giving up and letting go. After losing 2 family dogs who were like my siblings to me, the COVID pandemic, losing my job temporarily, watching the racism and bigotry spike in my country, I had been ready to throw in the towel.

But something in me told me to hang on. I kept listening and watching the boys. I spent more time on twitter, meeting and connecting with other ARMY. Watching the live concerts that the boys put on for us. They were the thing that gave me hope. I listen to their music, and the lyrics, the raw emotion hits me in no other way than anything has ever hit before. BTS are more than a “boy band” that just release music. They care about ARMY, they love their fans and they always put 100% of themselves in everything that they do.  Their work ethic, their love of speaking up on important issues, standing against bullying, their own individual passions. Everything about them in authentic. I connect with each member on a different level, and I admire them all. I feel as if I am growing up with them since they are all close to my age.

My now 24 year old self, in 2021 can look back, happily and realize that BTS is more than just a band, more than just music or entertainment. They are real people with emotions, who care and are so humble, honest and hardworking. They are able to connect with their fans in ways most celebrities disregard nowadays. I am in such a better place and mindset. I started to learn the process of loving myself and being patient with myself. They have brought me on a journey that I am still learning, and I hope that I will continue to meet amazing ARMY and friends on this ride. Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook; I want to say thank you, for being your goofy and amazing people. No amount of words could ever describe the love, and admiration I have for you. You saved me. You were there for me when I needed you most. So like you sing: “You gave me the best of me, so you give you the best of you.” I wish you men nothing but the best. It’s only up from here.

I love you boys, and I love ARMY. Thank you for taking the time and reading. Please know that things do get better, and that people come into your lives at times when you need them, and they might be people who you would never suspect. So let that door open in your heart.

That is what makes our universe so magical and beautiful.

Borahae,

1. Sarah