BTS Gave Me Back My Smile

I’m not diagnosed with any mental illness but I’ve been stressed and hurt by people around me which make me sad and depressed. Even the very person close to me is giving me a hard time. This has made me really sad. It makes me cry all the time and the smile has left me.

I’m blessed that I have four sisters and friends whom I talked to but it wasn’t enough. I still feel empty, alone and sad. Work and home are my struggles till this day. My sister who is a BTS ARMY introduced BTS to me when she was about to watch their Paris concert in October 2018. I have never heard of them nor of Kpop before.  The first time I saw them was in American Music Awards in October 2018 before my sister introduced them, their videos and music to me. The one who caught my attention was Taehyung. But since I was in a very dark place, I haven’t fully grasped them yet. So I didn’t pay much attention until my sister talked to me about them. The first video I saw was their history of how they started, their struggles and difficulties which immediately captured my heart. I felt their honesty and determination in the videos. Next was the House of Army which made me laugh for the first time. I quickly learned their names and talents. Then I watched their music videos and looked at the lyrics of the songs which touched my heart. I relate to the messages of their songs and helped me cope with my sadness and struggles. Their videos make me smile and laugh. They were pure joy. My sisters saw the change in me…that I’m blooming. I admit that I was happy. They make me happy.  BTS make me forget all the things that make me sad while watching them.  They are very attractive young men and are extremely talented.

I joined the BTS ARMY fandom and met good friends. And that’s when I fell deeply into the rabbit hole in just a few days. For me, what has been most important is that BTS is my comfort and happy pill. I am not embarrassed to be a fan girl. BTS has shown me what some of us don’t have which are  a sense of closeness and amazing friendship. My world has never changed. I’m still in a place where I struggle at work and at home. I still don’t know what to do but I have the 7 amazing young men who give me comfort and make me smile. They are my happy pill during my desolate lows.  Especially on that late year of 2018 when my dad was diagnosed with Cancer and after 6 months he passed away.  BTS was there to comfort me when no one can. My sisters and I live in different countries so I focused myself on what makes me happy. And that’s BTS… they give messages like they are talking to me at the right time when I needed it. To me, RM, JIN, SUGA, JHOPE, JIMIN, V, & JUNGKOOK are a blessing in disguise. They may be young but they are smart, talented and full of wisdom. I will never forget what Suga said, “ Take your hands off of what you can’t control and get your hands on what you can change. As you and I continue on in life, we will find ourselves in many situations out of our grasp. The only thing we can control is ourselves. Get your hands on the changes you can make because your possibilities are limitless.” Now, although I’m still walking on thorns, I’m not in the dark place anymore because BTS gave me back the smile that I once lost.