BTS are my saviours

Hi BTS,

[Insert: fanchant ] 😆

hello Jin, Suga, RM, J-Hope, Jimin, V, JK

I hope you guys are well, at you’re best and happy. First off, I wish I could just place my heart onto this page to show you my feelings because I don’t think any words could suffice for my ever growing love for each one of you- you are my universe. Keep shining!

My name is Muaziz ( yeah its hard to pronounce- say: mu-a-ziz- it comes from Arabic and it means well respected and originates from the word azeez, which means special/ important)..lol sorry I’m waffling too much. I’m 19 ( zodiac sign: Aries) -and I live in England, near the North West in a small city called Preston- its a rather normal, boring place but, I’m so used to here now. Much of my childhood I spent moving around various cities, as my parents constantly worried over which school would best suit me and my siblings.. lol anyways, I grew up being  the typical middle child, too young to do things like my older sibling, yet too old to be childish and be spoilt like my younger sister. Growing up, I struggled going out, I was too shy to speak, I was socially awkward, which to this day i still slightly am, I had self-conscious issues and I suffered from anxiety. Time flew, I  became conditioned to my nature and accepted it- like it was just who I was. While everybody else around me would talk around in high school, I preferred to stay quit and to myself. Around this time, my family went through many crisis and we lost many precious souls, along with that I started to suffer from a lack of sleep as well developing sleep paralysis. I became frustrated with myself and just didn’t see the fun in anything. I loved studying, especially history, art and literature and even though I worked hard and tried to pull myself together, everything felt pointless and it just made me feel so worthless. Although I did have friends who I could talk to, I just couldn’t bring myself to share my misery with them. A couple of weeks into year 8 in high school, my parents were called in- I was too scared to tell my dad but eventually the teacher got through to him and asked him to come in to see her. She was worried that I was too quiet in class, not participating and thought that if I continued like this, it would be unlikely for me to achieve good gcse grades (exams taken in year 11 in the UK, before college). Deep down, I knew my parents were disappointed -maybe they had lost belief in me too. That day, I broke down, I cried at my situation and that was the day I promised to myself that it was time I do some good for myself. From then on, I began to work hard, despite my struggles, especially in maths, which I hated. Time flew, while I busied myself in studying, I came to year 11, the year I sat my gcse exams- I was dreading it. I would stress out at the smallest of things and was exhausted and confused. One day, in late spring 2019, while I was in class, a girl behind me was talking about someone called Jin. Being an already quite person, I continued listening to her conversation in silence. I figured out that she was arguing with another girl in class, who was poking fun at her listening to kpop. At that time, I didn’t pay much attention, which I to this day regret (I would have found you sooner if I had known 😭). I continued the next couple of weeks, very stressed about upcoming exams and things were too busy to do anything besides revision for exams. I suffered from a lot of sleep paralysis around this time, to a point that I just hated sleeping. One weekend, Jin came up on my mind, so I decided to search him up- after all, who is this guy?? Little did I know it would be our WWH!!

When I searched up Jin, my heart went boom boom! For the first time in years I felt soo happy, he just looked sooo comforting to me. I spent around 1 hour just looking through Google images, slowly slowly other beautiful faces appeared and I was like wooah! My god who are these guys? I quickly then went on YouTube and typed in BTS songs, my first ever BTS song thus became ‘Fake love’, which I still love soo much with all my heart. I realized I was missing something I should have found earlier, I cried at the lyrics as it slowly hit me that all along up until that moment, I was hurting, yet pretending I was  strong and the lyrics deeply touched my heart- like all of you were personally telling me ‘it will be ok’. I knew then, that I’d found something I could hold onto and would never let go- you were a gift from God on my rainiest day! Thank you for coming to me BTS. I began to watch fmvs, comedy skits and interviews and i slowly began to learn about all you’re amazing souls. I was sooo excited and happy that I decided to have my sisters join me in a BTS watch party. Despite all my troubles at home and anxiety of exams, I began to love listening to music, I looked forward to sleeping every night just so I could finally relax and watch BTS. I realized that despite all my troubles, there was still some hope. Thank you RM for teaching me to love myself and Jimin, thank you for showing me that hard work pays off and to always follow my dreams! Time flew, exams were done and results day came! I wasn’t looking forward to it. I remember listening to moonchild while going to pick my results and I just felt better- pretended I had someone besides me who had my back. Omg! And you won’t believe what I got! I was over the moon, I had achieved way more than I thought I would, with 100% on both my English literature papers! I remember just feeling so so so delighted and I thanked my lucky stars for bringing BTS to me. Lol, I remember also pretending that I’d go up to RM to share my results and thinking he’d be so proud! Anyways, fast forward to summer – which was the best summer ever! I vibed to all you’re songs beginning from you’re first ever album. I cried at some songs and laughed along with you on BTS run. My ultimate bias became Jimin! Of course, it’s sooo hard to decide because I’m always getting bias wrecked by each one of you at different point… Jimin I love you so so so much! Plz let us know what shampoo you use because you’re hair is just wow! JK became my official bias wrecker! What’s with you getting soooo huge these days though? 😆 I’m just sooo happy like I’ve never been, I’m  glad I found you as well as my galaxy of all other ARMYs. Seeing all you’re trials since 2013 and proving the haters wrong as well as all you’re patience and hard work over the years has taught me so much! I began to dream high and thought that if BTS can, so will I. I decided I’d work really hard in college and set my mind to studying medicine at uni. I then started college in 2020, where I studied chemistry, biology and literature. College began of tough, yet I was working really hard! I saw how far id come- I wasn’t the old me anymore, it was still the me, yet stronger. Even though i was still socially awkward and still shy, I saw that I had gained much more confidence and self love than my previous years. I slowly began to open to new people, I met many ARMYs, who to this day I still hold close and love very much. Talking to ARMYs made me feel safe and i realized they were just like me- we were all a big family, each a shining star in the dark night sky- our own Microkosmos. Together we  spazzed over you. I met many Yoongi stans, many other Jimin stans, J-Hope stans, Jin Stans, JK stans and of course both my sisters who themselves had become ARMYs too- one who stans V and the other RM. Sometimes it hits me how far you are – like all the way in Korea, yet I still feel you’re love radiating all the way through to my own little home, in my own little city. I’m going to admit, there’s emotional times where ill just cry as it hits me that were half the world apart, but just like I am doing now, I often look at the sky, thinking at least we’re under the same sky, sun, moon and stars and maybe, just maybe right now you’re looking up too and so are all other ARMYs. I see BTS and ARMYs now as my second family, who I’d never let go off, not even when I’m down my last breath. The past few years have been a long ride, a long adventure to finding myself in you. I’m so glad I’ve met so many ARMYS along the way, who all love you just like I do. I have now finished college and waiting for my ALEVEL grades.. and hell yeck! I bet I’ve done good hopefully. Thanks Yoongi for teaching me to be savage and to love that side of myself too. I now have big dreams and something that I’m always reminded of Is what you, RM taught us: ‘in order to love others, you should begin by loving yourself”. .Just like how one cannot pour from an empty glass and sincerely President Kim my respects and hats off to you and you’re clever intellect! Your sincerely the man! Don’t blame me when I proudly say that thanks to you, I have now developed what is termed as “the daddy issues”.

Moving on to my favourite BTS song, of course I love every single one, though fake love will be the one i hold close, since that was the one that reincarnated me into an ARMY.  Microkosmos would be next- its just pure love for ARMY and it just makes me soo happy to be part of the fandom, followed by Seesaw and then Sea ( I cried so bad to sea) , oh yeah then No More Dream and coffee too. I love Jin’s Abyss, all of Jimin’s solos, RM’s Moonchild will always be my fav, Suga’s Daechwita, JHope’s Hope World, V’s… ughhh its soooo hard to decide but basically I love every single song , that goes for all the members solos, but the ones mentioned are ones that are most memorable to me. Finally, JK , still with you ..ah I can just imagine you confessing love to your girl while singing this and sitting at a piano. JK I’ve done so many cover and duets with you, it’s sincerely become a hobby now.  Anyways I hope, whoever your better halves turn out to be, love you passionately for all that you deserve. I hope you’re happy couples together!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Yeah and I’m still waiting/ dreaming about the day when I’ll get to meet you guys face to face …it seems a long way off, but I guess there are no debts to wishful dreaming right? I’m also so broke that I’ve never got a single album, or even an ARMY bomb, I’ve never attended a fansign neither joined a live muster… the only thing I have is a purple heart, so I’m sending lots of love and hugs to all 7 of you and to all the ARMYs out there. I promise, I shall get an album very soon….

I feel there’s soo much more to tell you guys but I guess that’s most of it to my very still life. Oh yeah forgot to mention, my hobbies are:

Tuning in to BTS VLives and run episodes, reading, watching kdramas… (recently watching Vincenzo and Youth of May), watching tik tok edits of BTS, watching YouTube skits of BTS, sketching, writing poems, lying around like a potato, listening to BTS songs (obviously), karaoke and listening to slowed down sad songs (yeh I’m a sado).

I’m eating chocolate and drinking jasmine tea!.. I know I shouldn’t be eating late at night it’s unhealthy… it’s ok though, today can just be an exception 🙃🤭 Seriously try that, it’s soooo relaxing! I’m listening to Serendipity slowed down in the background. It just feels great this moment, there’s a soft breeze outside and the curtains are fluttering about and I just feel so great typing away… I’m talking to all 7 of you, I’ve never felt this comfortable, excited and happy all at once.

I’d like to also request if we could get an era where the rap and vocal line swap roles… I’d love to hear Jimin rap !!!! Aaaah, just like in Tony Montana!! Aah, that would be a dream come true. I’d love to hear more of JHope, RM and Suga singing. Seriously, all if you have such sweet melodious voices, you give us sooo much love and always perform at you’re best, Seriously, we don’t deserve so much love. Myself and on behalf of all other ARMYS I’d like to say a big heartfelt thank you from the bottom of our hearts for always loving ARMYS and taking us  along with you on all you’re adventures! It’s been a long yet fun  journey and no matter where the road will lead, even if it’s a dead end, we  know that BTS got our back and just know that ARMYS have yours. We all love all 7 of you so so soo much, plz take care, stay safe and happy until we meet again. Also, if you ever feel upset, exhausted and tired, we’re here for you, plz show us when you’re sad or angry and don’t hide it just because you feel ARMYs shouldn’t see that side of you. Did I mention that I love you so much? Now stop and smile, you’ve done great today- go treat yourself!

Leaving off with a song recommendation: Don’t You Worry by Oh Wonder and Another Love by Tom Odell (try the slowed down versions).

Also, I think i should try going to sleep now..it is now 3:16AM  here 🤫😬…..

OK BYEEE TAKE care of  each other for ARMYs! Let’s meet soon! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🤧bye🥺🤗