Blood, Sweat and What??

Hello ARMY and all reading this. My name is Wendie. A 40 yr old who comes from a little town in Ontario, Canada. BTS found me in 2016 when I was at one of my lowest points ever. I suffer from PTSD due to childhood trauma. I was adopted at the age of 8 into an amazingly loving and kind family but what had happened to me in my early years and what I had to deal with has left its marks permanently etched into my being. Because of my PTSD I have depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I struggle to sleep, with migraines and other health issues and daily life can be a challenge. Anyone who deals with any of these issues knows how time consuming it can be. How it can take over your daily life until you become a shell of who you want to be, who you used to be and who you strive to be. I was working as a Chef in an amazing restaurant that strived to cook locally grown and organic food. We were known across Canada as “The Greenest Restaurant in Canada”. If that alone wasn’t enough pressure, being a female Chef is also a huge pressure in of itself. We tend to have to work twice as hard to get anywhere. But I digress. In 2014 I lost my younger sister to a house fire. In 2015 my brother was killed. So by the time 2016 came around I couldn’t handle much of anything anymore. My nerves were shot, I was having almost daily anxiety attacks, I had to leave stores, family events etc multiple times because I was panicking and or I’d find somewhere to hide (in clothing racks, bathrooms, under tables) I was working 60-70h a week to keep my mind busy and so I wouldn’t have much of any free time and then I finally collapsed. My Doctor told me “no more, you are killing yourself and your body can’t handle it anymore” She put me on ODSP (Disability) Told me very likely I wouldn’t be able to go back to work. My body had had enough. My hands gave out, I had almost constant migraines, barely sleeping, was sick and in pain all the time. I lost my career which I loved and felt like I had lost my reason to live. I gave up. I was done. Then BTS hit me. I was going through YouTube and came across Blood Sweat & Tears. I had heard of BTS but other then looking up who they were (saw they were all younger then me and figured meh.. not my thing, they are too young) I didn’t pay any attention to them. But for some reason this time I thought what the heck. Listened to Blood Sweat & Tears, then listened again, then closed my eyes and listened again. I was hooked. Their voices felt like they were caressing my heart and my head. I felt excited about something. So I spent the next few days listening to anything and everything I could find about BTS. Both good and bad. I Googled each member, the group, watched everything I could on YouTube (again both good and bad) I was hooked. But I was a little scared to admit to anyone I was in-love with a “Boy-Band” from South Korea. (I’ve always had a fascination with Asian Culture, especially South Korea and China) I joined a Facebook group and sat in the background watching. Then in 2018 I opened a Twitter account. Again sitting in the background until I felt comfortable enough to contact some ARMY. ARMY honestly terrified me until this point. They were so passionate, so powerful (Boy how I wish I had been braver earlier). I found some groups I was comfortable with, joined voting tags, stayed up all night just to watch award shows, laughed and cried watching Bon Voyage, Run BTS etc. Now in 2021 I am a VERY proud ARMY (I tell anyone and everyone whoever you are) with some of THE MOST AMAZING ARMY friends who I consider family. People I have grown to care about so much and this is all due to 7 amazing South Korean men who found me when I was at my lowest point and ready to end everything. I maybe be alone in my little town/area “stanning” BTS but I do not regret it AT ALL. Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook, you literally pulled me out of the darkness and showed me the light. You showed me that it is okay to feel down sometimes but we shouldn’t live there. You gave me a family in ARMY who support me no matter what. You love me for who I am because being your ARMY is enough. Thank you for saving me, for giving me a Home because when I think of BTS, I think of Home. I love you more then love.¬†

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